November Video of the Month
Cloé Madanes – Thanksgiving Therapy: A Live Demonstration with a Couple
Evolution of Psychotherapy Conference 2009 | Anaheim, CA
Clinical Demonstration
Timeless Presentations from Erickson Foundation Events
This ongoing series highlights keynotes, workshops, and demonstrations from past Erickson Foundation conferences…showcasing the most influential voices in psychotherapy. These archival recordings offer more than historical interest; they hold lasting clinical value. Each session distills complex therapeutic ideas into lived examples, practical applications, and subtle demonstrations of the art of therapy.
This month’s selection features Cloé Madanes working live with a couple struggling over Thanksgiving plans. What begins as a discussion about holiday disagreements grows into a look at the emotional habits that can be carried into family celebrations. Madanes uses humor and warmth to help the couple uncover what the holidays really mean to them and how they can connect instead of repeating old patterns.
📌 About the Speaker
Cloé Madanes, Lic. Psic., is a founder of strategic family therapy and a pioneer in using structure and compassion to create change. Her teaching blends emotional awareness with practical strategy. Known for her collaborations with Jay Haley and Tony Robbins, she has influenced generations of therapists with her creativity and belief in love as an agent of healing.
🧠 Demonstration Highlights: Holidays, History, and Healing
In this session, Madanes meets with Joanne and Tom, a married couple who argue every year about holiday gatherings. Tom becomes tense and withdrawn when Thanksgiving approaches. He recalls his childhood holidays filled with family conflict and pressure to appear happy. Those memories still shape his reactions as an adult.
Madanes helps him recognize that his frustration hides his fear. He dreads the buildup, the work, and the feeling that nothing will ever be good enough for recognition and praise.
Joanne wants to celebrate and bring people together, but she feels alone when he pulls away.
Madanes goes over her six Universal Human Needs and has Joanne and Tom each list them out in order of their importance to them personally. Madanes then shows the couple the ways in which their individual needs differ and complement each other. As they explore their needs more deeply, they begin to see how each one affects their interpersonal dynamic. The tension between them begins to soften.
🌀 Ericksonian Threads in Madanes’ Work
Madanes demonstrates the Ericksonian art of using whatever the moment offers. When Tom becomes defensive, she treats it as valuable information. When Joanne shows irritation, Madanes reframes it as energy that can be used for love.
Her playful suggestion that Joanne “dance naked” to interrupt Tom’s mood is a perfect example of paradox used with care. The laughter it sparks changes the emotional tone instantly. Madanes later guides the couple through a simple heart-breathing exercise that helps them slow down, breathe together, and remember their affection. Each technique turns conflict into an opportunity for closeness.
Watch as Cloé Madanes begins to break a rigid Thanksgiving conflict pattern with a playful Ericksonian intervention that instantly changes the emotional tone.
⏳ Why It Still Matters
These issues appear in therapy every holiday season. Couples struggle with expectations and the pressure to make everything perfect. Madanes reminds us that these moments can be opportunities to slow down and explore what each person truly needs.
In Madanes’ hands, Thanksgiving stress becomes a lesson in how love, patience, and play can restore the connection between two people.
